“There’s nothing to watch!”
Something we often mutter to ourselves and/or our partners while doom-scrolling through Netflix.
How could that even be possible? With cable and over 200 streaming platforms available, the content we could be consuming is seemingly never-ending. AMC+, Paramount+, every media conglomerate has its answer for Netflix and Hulu. On average, the American household has 2.9 streaming service subscriptions, sometimes in addition to cable. Not sure where they get the .9 from. Perhaps the Max login you share with your first cousin doesn’t count as a whole subscription.
With the ever-burgeoning abundance of streaming platforms, one would think we would never be at a loss for binge-worthy TV. But alas, here we are. Perhaps the answer lies off-screen and in the sheets. What about watching something you can’t find on any streaming service? Like your partner having sex with another person? I know what you’re thinking. Wait. That’s a thing?
Yes. Yes, it is. Enter cuckolding. Popstar is back with the tips (and so much more than just the tip) on how you and your partner can go from channel changing to cuckolding. Think of this as Cuckold+.
What is Cuckolding?
In modern contexts, cuckolding often involves consensual agreements between partners where one partner, usually the husband or boyfriend, derives pleasure from watching or knowing that his partner is engaging in sexual activities with a third, unaffiliated person. The observer is known as the “cuckold” or “cuck.” Essentially, the cuckold is sexually satiated by just spectating. Cuckolding can take on several forms and has many elements, such as humiliation, but more on that later.
Origin
While modern-day cuckolding is known to be consensual, its origins are the diametrical opposite. Cuckolding is a term that originates from the English word “cuckoo,” which was historically used to describe a scenario where a man’s wife or partner engages in sexual activities with another man, often without his consent or knowledge. The cuckoo bird, known for deceptively laying its eggs in other birds' nests, symbolized this perceived betrayal.
It was assumed that the “cuck” (the husband whose partner is exploring other nests) is unable to satisfy them sexually, hence the need to sexually search outside the marriage.
Modern-day cuckolding involves a man and their partner making a joint decision to invite other birds into their nest, sans eggs. Unless cracking an egg on your face is part of the humiliation? Seems extreme, but who are we to kink shame?
Cuckolding Kink & Humiliation
Speaking of humiliation. When people think of cuckolding, they immediately assume there is some element of humiliation involved. In most cases, the third party brought in to have sex with the cuckold’s partner has something the cuckold lacks ie: a larger penis, bigger muscles, etc. This third party is known colloquially as “the bull." A bull is a common term used in the cuckolding community and is a dominant man engaging with the cuckold’s partner.
In certain, kinkier scenarios, the cuckold’s partner and the bull will consensually degrade the cuck. This can range from size shaming or simply stating that the bull is a much better lay than the cuckold could ever dream of being. In this masochistic fantasy, the cuckold finds pleasure in the humiliation.
Other Types of Cuckolding
You’ve most likely heard of double penetration, well this is double humiliation. There is a type of cuckolding where both parties in the monogamous relationship find pleasure in being humiliated in the process. There are role-play scenarios in which the bull degrades the woman in which the cuckold finds pleasure. The cuckold views it as punishment for seeking outside the marriage. Of course, again, this is all a fantasy.
Not a masochist? Not a problem! There is a gentle, more “vanilla” form of cuckolding where the cuckold just simply finds satisfaction in watching their partner be pleasured. In this scenario, the cuckold is aroused by watching and knowing that their partner is taken care of. What could be sweeter?
Location can also come into play. In most cuckolding scenarios, the cuckold is in the room watching. However, there is a type of cuckolding in which the cuckold isn’t allowed in the room and is forced to listen at the door. Damn. Hope he at least gets a chair out there. In some cases, the cuckold isn’t present at all and is only privy to the fact his partner is off having sex with someone else.
Getting Started
If any of this sounds appealing, let’s talk. All sexual exploration starts with a conversation. You and your partner have to decide if the idea of cuckolding intrigues you. That, and if it would mutually benefit both your sexual experiences.
Perhaps the first marker of intrigue for consensual non-monogamy would be light flirting. If another person flirting with your partner triggers phallic flutters or a little jump on your jock, then maybe cuckolding could be for you.
A common misconception about cuckolding is that it always has to involve a third party. That isn’t always the case. In fact, it may even be best to keep it to just you and your partner at first. How is that done you ask? Well, many people don’t know that you can incorporate cuckolding into dirty talk. A great way to dip your toe into the cool waters of cuckolding is to have your partner recount a sexual experience with a previous one. If you are into the humiliation aspect of cuckolding, have your partner describe their time with another man who is “bigger” than you, or could please them in ways that you couldn’t.
If we think of cuckolding in the context of a binge-worthy streaming show, this would be the pilot. Whereas bringing in a third party would be the season one finale. Just like any show, if you like the pilot, keep watching. If you don’t enjoy this type of light cuckolding at all, then definitely don’t proceed in bringing in a third party. Try a different show, aka find another way to spice up your sex life. You can put the kibosh on it all together, or keep cuckolding between the two of you.
If you did like the light cuckolding, however, it may be time to search for the perfect guest star. Now casting for the role of “bull." Unlike your favorite series, there isn’t a casting agency filling the role of the bull for you. You and your partner will have to do that yourself. Finding the perfect bull can be a bit tricky. You and your partner will have to ask yourselves a few more questions. Oh great, more questions.
Is there someone you already have in mind for the bull? Someone you know your partner finds attractive and perhaps you envy. Would you like the bull to be someone you both know and trust, or is it best to start fresh with a newbie? Will you or your partner contact the bull? Perhaps the most important aspect to consider is what is the post-cuckolding communication like with the bull if there is any contact at all.
If you decide it best that the bull be a newbie, finding one could be a bit daunting. This isn’t Sex and the City, 90s New York where you can place an ad in the paper seeking a third. Luckily for you, we have technology now. There are several apps designed for people looking to broaden their sexual horizons. Apps like Feeld or Fetlife can be great tools in finding the perfect bull for you and your partner. On these apps, you will find like-minded individuals who are also looking to explore sexually.
Safe Words
No matter where you are in your quest for cuckolding, it is beyond important to have a safe word. Non-monogamous novices and pros alike have a safe word. What is a safe word you may ask? A safe word is like a secret code for when you want the sexual scene to stop. Think of it as a hypothetical eject button from an aircraft.
A sex word may be used when one or more parties involved are no longer feeling the fantasy. Since cuckolding tends to have an element of humiliation, it is paramount to make sure everyone, including the cuck, is turned on the entire time.
Why Try It?
There are many reasons to take a crack at cuckolding. Cuckolding can be used as a way for bi-curious men to explore their bi-curiosity. Curiosity may have killed the cat but it hasn’t killed the cuck.
For others, it may be a way to enhance intimacy and trust within their primary relationship, as it requires clear communication and consent.
Cuckolding, while rooted in historical and cultural perceptions of infidelity, has evolved into a multifaceted concept in modern sexual relationships. If you and your partner feel that cuckolding could be the answer to cranking up the heat in your sex life, remember to keep the communication open.
Never forget your safe word, and make sure to practice safe sex. Use protection and make sure you are always scheduling routine testing. Remember, no matter the 2.9 streaming services you have, no binge-worthy TV is as exciting as trying something new with the person you love!
Dr. Joshua Gonzalez
Dr. Joshua Gonzalez is a board-certified urologist who is fellowship-trained in Sexual Medicine and specializes in the management of male and female sexual dysfunctions. He completed his medical education at Columbia University and his urological residency at the Mount Sinai Medical Center. Throughout his career, Dr. Gonzalez has focused on advocating for sexual health and providing improved healthcare to the LGBTQ+ community.
Dr. Brian Steixner
Dr. Brian Steixner is a board-certified urologist and an expert in men’s sexual medicine. He completed his General Surgery and Urology training at The University of Pennsylvania and The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, one of the busiest and most comprehensive programs in the nation. During his career, Brian has treated thousands of men with sexual health issues including male factor infertility.
