10 Foods for Changing Semen Taste: Thanksgiving Edition

Thanksgiving. It’s all about the food. Mouthwatering mashed potatoes, savory stuffing, titillating turkey legs. Our taste buds couldn’t be happier. Did you know the food you eat can alter the taste of your semen, both negatively and positively? In honor of Turkey Day, Popstar has composed a list of turkey trimmings for changing semen taste and naturally improving the taste of your semen.

Be prepared for turkey baster innuendos and everything you need to ensure your Thanksgiving dinner ends with a sweet dessert. Now, keep in mind that no one should be commenting on anyone’s eating habits over the holidays, or any time for that matter. We are simply suggesting some menu items to get an extra helping of this Thanksgiving.

I know apple pie usually comes after dinner, but we are big dessert people here at Popstar. Before you have metaphorical dessert, you still have one last chance to improve the taste of your semen with literal dessert. Apple pie, more specifically, apples, are a known natural semen taste enhancer. Apples not only improve taste, but they also improve sperm motility, so you are killing two birds with one apple. Who would’ve thought Granny Smiths would have someone (consensually) grabbing your groin?

The age-old debate: homemade or from a can. Well, those looking to enhance their semen taste can rest assured that both homemade and canned cranberry sauce have a positive effect. Cranberries and cranberry sauce are high in sugar. Just like a pack of Domino sweetens a bitter cup of post-Thanksgiving dinner coffee (more on this later), the high sugar content of cranberries is believed to sweeten semen. With this trimming tidbit, people should be singing the Linda Belcher “Pass the Cranberry Sauce…” song with extra gusto this Thanksgiving. 

Nothing will make your home smell sweeter than a brewing pot of hot apple cider. Well, turns out nothing will have your spunk tasting sweeter either.

A cup of hot cider is a great way to welcome your guests and warm them up as they emerge from the brisk fall air. It is an even better way to ensure that the partners of your guests have a sweet treat after they get home. The right recipe for apple cider includes several semen-friendly ingredients: apples (of course), cinnamon, sweet cranberries, and citrus fruit. The natural sugars in apples, cranberries, and orange slices help sweeten your semen, while cinnamon neutralizes negative flavor influences. Not only does a mulled apple cider act as an all-natural Glade Plug-In, but it will also sweeten things that come out as well.

No Thanksgiving dinner table is complete without the stuffing. Well, turns out if you are looking to get stuffed or stuff someone like a turkey, then you better make sure your stuffing has extra celery. Celery doesn’t just add a crunch to your stuffing; celery also neutralizes the taste of semen. This neutralizing property can strip your semen of any potential bitterness from previous meals. An extra scoop of stuffing can make sure your baster is primed and ready with the sweetest batter.

Didn’t expect to see this on the menu, did ya? Is Thanksgiving dinner not your thing? Is it your Aunt Barbara who famously can’t cook’s turn to host this year? That is not a problem. When you don’t see any semen-happy trimmings on the table this year, there is always Popstar. Popstar’s signature formula is designed with making sweet semen in mind. A proper host might even have a bottle of Postar at every place setting! 

If your goal is to be gobble-worthy by the end of the night, there are a few foods you should pass up when they pass your plate at the table.

Garlic may not be top of mind (or top of menu) when it comes to Thanksgiving dishes, but that would depend on the cook. If your host goes a little heavy-handed with the garlic, make sure you’re grazing on food options that don’t utilize a lot of it. Many people tend to use garlic in their mashed potato recipes, so for the sake of your semen, reach for the sweet potatoes instead. Sweet potato dishes tend to use cinnamon anyway, which will make your future semen taste tester very happy. Filling up on crudités (yay, more celery) before sitting down is always an option.

Now, I know your eyes will be getting heavy after dinner, and a cup of coffee feels necessary to fight the tryptophan. However, if you want our two cents, we say just take the nap. A strong cup of coffee may keep you awake, but it will also add a strong, bitter taste to your cream. Plus, if you doze off on the couch, you may sleep through the inevitable argument about politics sparked by your over-served uncle.

Speaking of being over-served, if you are looking to have your semen go down like Tennessee Whiskey, then you may want to put down the bottle. Alcohol can negatively impact the taste of your semen. It is important to note that the harder the alcohol, the harsher the taste. So, while some may need a little liquid courage to deal with their families, if you have promiscuous, post-dinner plans, lay off the booze.

If you follow our Turkey Day trimming taste menu, you will ensure your turkey baster is locked and loaded with only the best batter. Now, when you wake up 😈 from your post-dinner, tryptophan-induced nap, rest assured, knowing that you have a sweet treat in store for your partner. Let’s just hope your extended family goes home early so you can find some privacy. Wishing you and your families a very sweet Thanksgiving from all of us here at Popstar.