Sex in the Suburbs: What to Bring to Your First Sex Party

With the end of summer, we are headed into the ‘ber months (months that end in b-e-r). The ‘ber months have back-to-back-to-back holidays which means endless gatherings and get-togethers. The traditional parties ie: costume parties, Thanksgiving dinners, white elephants, etc. can all get very redundant.

Why not celebrate the ‘bers differently this year? Why not trade in the Secret Santa for Sex Party? Whether you are attending, or even hosting your first sex party, Popstar has the tips (and so much more than just the tip) on what you can expect for your first time!

It is pretty self-explanatory. A sex party is a party with sex. Think more condoms, less charcuterie. Less gift swapping, and more spit swapping. This is like the adult, X-rated version of makeout parties from a 90s sitcom.

A quick pop-up Popstar history lesson: Sex Parties, or Play Parties as they are often referred to, have been around for quite some time. In fact, in the '70s, people threw Key Parties, where attendees picked keys out of a bowl and went home with whoever’s key they picked.

Again, relatively self-explanatory, but sex party activities can run the gamut. Sex party past-times can range from cuddle puddles and kissing to BDSM, sex swing level shenanigans. The goal is to create a sex-positive space where all consenting parties can safely explore their fantasies!

Just like any other topic like the Bermuda Triangle or Trader Joe’s easy hack recipes, Google is our best friend. If you are curious about what occurs at a sex party, do your research! The more information you have on the subject, the better prepared you can be.

Google strikes again. If you are looking to find a sex party near you, you won’t necessarily want to throw that in the search bar. Try searching for “play party” and your city’s name, as well as other criteria that fit your needs like “LGBTQ friendly” or “swingers.” While some parties take place in public venues, it may be best to start with something a little less intimidating, ie: a play party in someone’s home. Using a social networking platform such as Feeld, FetLife, or even looking for sex/kink positive groups on Facebook, using buzzwords like “alternative lifestyles.”

Pro-tip: make sure you are clear on the regulations regarding play parties in your area as it varies from state to state. You would never want to put yourself in a situation that could get you into trouble, both sexually and legally.

You can even find sex parties right in your backyard. There may even be a secret swingers community that regularly hosts parties of that nature. Now swingers aren’t always the most forthcoming about their “lifestyle” with people who aren’t a part of the swingers community. But there are clues to look for! Luckily, we also have tips on spotting the secret swingers in your area here. There aren’t any sex parties in your area? Throw your own! Who knows? You could start the Upside Down Pineapple Swingers Club in your neighborhood.

I don’t think Emily Post has a section on sex party etiquette, but fret not, we do. The years of your mom having the Barefoot Contessa on in the background couldn’t have prepared you for such an occasion. Here are the need-to-knows before you go to your first.

Say it with me. Now say it three times fast. When it comes to a sex party, or any sexual encounter for that matter,  consent is the number one, non-negotiable. If consent isn’t the overall theme of the party, it isn’t the party for you. As always, the conversation around consent is continuous. Make sure every partygoer you meet is always on the same page as you. You can’t safely explore when not everyone feels safe.

If you are hosting, you set the tone for the party. Make sure all guests are clear on the consent expectations. A simple and cheeky, “and remember, consent is sexy,” goes a long way.

They always say to dress for the job you want. The same mentality can be applied to a sex party. You should dress for the experience you want to have. The choice of undergarment is pivotal. Try and pick underwear that makes you feel sexy and confident, and it is perhaps a little suggestive. Leave the tighty-whities in the top drawer tonight. The proper underwear is an amazing way to feel covertly confident on your way to the party. Much like Clark Kent wearing his Superman gear under his regular clothes.

Put the safe sex in sex party. I’m sure if there were a guide on proper sex party host etiquette, it would include a section on providing contraceptives for your guests. A charcuterie of condoms, if you will. If your sex party host isn’t up to snuff, this is where the Boy Scout/Girl Scout mentality of always being prepared comes in handy. While a sex party should have condoms and lube, it couldn’t hurt to bring your own incidentals. Build yourself a safe sex travel kit, that way, you always have rubbers at the ready.

Due to medical privacy, it may be hard to find a sex party that requires an  STI screening prior to attendance. That is why it is important to be practicing safe sex when attending sex parties, as well as making sure you are being tested regularly for STIs. Either way, frequent checkups and screenings should be part of your self-care routine, but especially if you are attending play parties.

Just like a wedding, plus ones are often welcomed at a sex party. If you are nervous about attending your first, bring your partner or a friend with whom you feel comfortable sharing this experience. If you are going with your husband/wife/life partner, it is best to discuss what your boundaries are as a couple. Will you be playing separately or together? Are you both comfortable with group play or would you prefer something more private and intimate? Make sure these parameters are clear to avoid any issues on the car ride home.

...and demure. See how I don’t show up at the sex party intoxicated? Very mindful, very cutesy. Of course, taking the edge off with a cocktail is understandable, especially when you are attending your first sex party. That being said, much like any gathering, no one wants to be the drunkest girl at the party, and no one wants a sloppy party guest. Just like any sexual encounter, being overserved won’t serve you. You will want to be in a clear mind, so lines aren’t blurred. If any party isn’t coherent that is when consent can become murky, which is unacceptable.

Sex parties can be a lot like Vegas, what happens there, stays there. Do not take pictures or videos without consent. It is also important to remember that just because you are at a sex party with someone, doesn’t mean you have the right to touch them. Do not jump on a train that is already in motion without an invitation. Just because it is group play, doesn't give the green light for everyone to join in! Also, do not take no’s personally. Remember, even if you paid a cover fee to attend that doesn’t mean everyone is fair game. The entrance fee doesn’t cover consent.

Why it may seem there are a lot of rules and regulations, regarding sex parties but the goal is to meet like-minded people, explore fetishes, and above all else, have fun! Remember Popstars, the most important thing you can bring to your first sex party is your best self...ok, and maybe a bottle of Popstar Volume and Taste! Practice consent, stay sex-positive, and keep it kinky! Get your party on!